loooong update!

the latest with Germany? not much. i have a million and one GF's, and thats always good. some much closer than others...we are all in this thing together, and there is a huge difference between the wives here and in the states. in the states ur options are huge. i have never had much trouble making friends. i am an extrovert. of course anyone reading this knows this about me.so its not hard for me to make friends. the hard thing is for me to find someone i can trully be me with. open and comfy. i also have criteria for a good friend. im picky like that.
i like shy people the best.introverts.
kind people. compassionate people. oh and they must love kids. i have a truck load of them! so a sorta quiet, shy, kind person is my favorite friend. a good listener. cause i talk alot. LOL!
i love the friends i have made here, and germany is really becoming normal. 5 months later!
i can drive without getting honked at, or gripping the steering wheel like im gunna break it. i am not afraid to go out and about. i can speak enough German to get by. i can understand alot of it. speaking it is harder of course. the problem is, i am learning german from a northern perspective. the "correct" way. but its like in the states, i Live in the South, and their dialect is much different. they shorten and abbreviate, which Rosetta stone does not.
ed is still home. things have sort of died down, but he is always on call...so i dont know when he will leave next. im lucky he didnt go. lots of my friends hubbys did, and are still gone.
kid update for the grandparents:
austin scored so high on his eval tests that he was dropped from the special education program. of course i was excited about that! but now his grades are plummeting. he brought home all C's and one F on his progress report. not good. he also has the most mean teacher in the school. 9 children have been removed from the classroom. im trying to hang in there and teach him that he will encounter mean people throughout his life, and he has to learn to cope. i am Always bailing him out, or fighting his battles. and i want to teach him to be stronger, and not to step in and rescue him all the time. not sure if that was my smartest move. not much i can do about it now. im in the classroom, and im in constant contact with her privately. i have made her mad a few times, and i really dont care. she has still not put on his assisted listening device. he should have been using it two months ago. moving on. GRRR. he is going to be 12! i cant believe my son is going to be 12. and i just love who he has grown into. i couldnt have picked a better heart on a child. so what he doesnt make perfect grades! his morale character is far more important, and he has that in the bag!

kay- as always is doing amazing. she makes me so very proud. straight A's, and she is in the advance classes. she is reading chapter books, and speaking german and spanish with ease. thank you God! its nice to have that one kid that i never ever have to worry about. she does her homework cause she LIKES it. uses birthday money to buy learning activity books, and she has learned multiplication on her own, cause she wanted too. again, thank you GOD for this child. she is still just as beautiful as the day she was born...and she never gets the attention she craves and deserves. im working on that though. we are doing fun fridays now, where i take each child on a date day. every other friday. they get to pick out anything they wanna do. its her favorite day of the month. her special day. i should really be doing more. the "normal" kid always gets the short end of the stick in this family. good thing her daddy dotes and cuddles with her all the time. this mommy lap is full! :(

brayden: oh brayden. my poor little baby with so many issues. maybe i was too old when i had him. maybe i make his problems bigger than they are cause they feel so overwhelming to me? maybe maybe maybe. who knows?? i have so much guilt when it comes to him. and i smother him with love and affection and attention and i spoil him to DEATH. and he is so dependent-because of ME!
working on that folks. respite lady is a miracle worker. love her. have i said this before. well i do. he now knows his colors, shapes, he can count with his fingers and his words. he can put on his shirts, undies, pants, socks and shoes. all these things she got him doing in a months time. here is my guilt. i could have done it too!
giving myself a break here. i could also use that respite care for a sitter, and go on dates nights every week. but i chose to have him with a special ed teacher. i am here while he is getting her care. point for mom. :)
took him to the doc for his tongue-what they thought was causing his speech delays. thought he was having surgery yesterday. nope. but when they checked his lft ear- no movement of the eardrum. translation: my baby cant hear. so now he is deaf in one ear with arthritis. Lord. Lord. Lord. on bended knee. Lord.
HELP! LOL!
he is my heart walking this boy. this smiling happy cheerful boy. with his big green eyes and curly blonde hair. i could just eat him. i never grow tired of him...even in his worst moments i find him irresistable. *sigh*

me- im getting fatter by the second. me and the gym have a date. i lost so much weight when i loved here, and now i feel like im gaining it all back. ugh! why is this so hard for me????!?!?!!? AAAAAHHHHH. its simple. really.
drink water. nothing else.
stop eating chocolate.
work out.
i would be rail thin.
i have no willpower!!!!!!!!!!!
okay. going to bed. gotta work out at 8. i got a new gym partner. :)
XO
kris

freaking and flipping.

freaking Libya. flipping special forces. today i dont like either of them.
so eds bags are packed. with orders that say 90 days. when will he leave? dunno. almost this afternoon. this is why i hate SF. he cant tell me. anything. he may be gone at 2 am for all i know. i do know this.
he is leaving. for 3 months. this week or next.
i gotta get myself set up for this mentally.
im in such denial. i keep saying- u dont know FOR SURE. so dont say it. dont speak it. and please dont say anything to the kids.
and why are you wearing a bullet proof vest right now?
and why do we have to get involved with yet Another country?! and why cant i call our moms on the landline and tell them ur leaving?
and what do i tell the kids?
uhm, daddy had to leave. uhm, i dont know where, and , No, i dont know when he is coming home. and is he safe?
dunno that either.
its not iraq.
or afghanistan.

but dont ask me why daddys tummy and chest feel like bricks when u hug him. cause i dont know how i will explain the bullet proof thing he is wearing.
my husband. the man who stops bullets in their tracks.
mommy are you sad?
yes. no. crap i dont like doing this again. 5 more years. 5 more years. 5 more years. and it will be over. i hope he survives. i hope.
who says that? me. i say it. every single time he leaves. i sure hope he survives.
goodbye my love. stay safe. stay strong. we
will
miss
you
every
single
second
you
are
gone.
freaking Libya.